Stoic Paddy hates Black Friday and you should too.
It is a feverish, zombie-esque act of worship to the all powerful consumer gods.
Stoic Paddy loves Terry Crews and you should too. His face alone can save you money and act as a protective spirit against the retarded masses of online shoppers.
A year ago a twitter user posted a tip that he printed a picture of the character Julius from Every Body Hates Chris (played by Crews).
He keeps the picture in his wallet so that every time he attempts to spend money he gets a strict look from a stern Julius.
Suffice to say Terry Crews being the absolute legend that he is, loved the idea and started to do it himself!
More, recently he has even given a lady in the States permission to use his image on her credit card to help her avoid making unnecessary purchases. Absolute hero.
So if you want to make big savings this Black Friday…
- Print the Julius picture
- Put it in your wallet in front of your cards.
- Don’t fucking buy anything.
Stoic Paddy declares an all out ban on buying overtly expensive obese treats wrapped in ocean-life killing plastic.
- Do you need to buy xmas rubbish this year?
- Do you buy dumb shit because you feel you are supposed partake in mindless consumerism?
- Are you in debt because you have no self control?
- Do you need to ‘bulk up’ the cheapy crappy present you bought?
- Do you enjoy being the middle man between plastic waste and the ocean?
- Do you suffer from being a complete tool?
Well selection boxes are on a supermarket shelf near you!
Increasing in price and decreasing in content!
Honestly, nothing like Xmas to bring out the absolute worst in human stupidity.
Would you please stop being so damned moronic and buying pure junk?
Please share this with all your friends and family and tell them to take this xmas off from being a moron…
The kids will thank you, the parents will thank you and the little fishies will thank you.
Happy holidays from Stoic Paddy
When you buy a plastic bottle of water you are giving a signal to the world. A signal that you are dumb. Congratulations! You have just spent €1.50 to contribute to plastic waste that is accumulating around the planet. You have spent money on something that you can get from your own tap.
I remember when I first saw bottled water in Ireland in the mid-nineties and my original reaction of disbelief has not changed in twenty years.
“Ah but the bottles are recyclable Stoic Paddy.” In theory perhaps…but how many bottles do you think actually end up in landfill? Many people will dump them in the bin and into the black bin collection. Even if they do go into the green bin collection that is no guarantee that they will be recycled. Check out this story that will make you think a bit more about what you put in your green bin and think happens.
You may not believe this but when we were thirsty we would just wait until we were home. Imagine that. A thirst that was not immediately quenched. Barbaric shit altogether. Shops used to have one small refrigerator that would contain some fizzy drinks. But now fridges take over half the shop with they mystical array of colours.
#PaddyHint: We didn’t get thirstier. We got dumber.
So the message is clear.
Stop buying plastic.
Stop buying water.
Save your money.
Stop being a fucking idiot.