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Month: September 2018

Fuck Commuting

I worry for commuters. I really do. Having been one for a long time in different cities in the world, using all kinds of transport, I genuinely empathise with the long term sufferers of the daily work commute.

The average person will commute to work during peak traffic hours. Trying to get to work in an ever increasing over populated city, they will sit in cars and buses in a midst of invisible carcinogens, constantly worrying if they will make it on time. Your car is most likely a mobile carbon dioxide expulsion system design to fuck you up.

Peak traffic is also seriously dangerous to your mental health. Listening to radio news shows giving them the latest catastrophic Geo-political uproar, the latest disease outbreak and doomsday economic crash warnings. Dealing with morons cutting across you and jumping lines will increase your heart rate and blood pressure. Your mood can degenerate instantly to pure rage.  Twice daily. Every working day. Over the long term this will – Break. You. Down.

Maybe you are one of the lucky ones who gets to listen to nice podcasts on a tram/train once you’ve managed to squeeze yourself through the germ riddled, sliding double doors, inhaling other peoples bodily gases with your depleted immune system. Nothing to stare at except masses of beaten down depressed faces or your personal addiction device, mindlessly thumb-fucking through some social feed.

Or maybe you are a high risk nutjob otherwise known as a cyclist. Risking life, limb and testicles traversing and weaving through the aforementioned psychotic, rage induced, caffeine wired drivers. I love cyclists. I really do – they are saving money and the environment but the bravery/lunacy required to navigate disintegrating roads and cycle lanes comes with too high of a cost versus the potential for actually dying in an RTA .

And how bloody long is it taking you? I hear people talk about 90 minutes commutes like that is “not bad”! That’s three whole fecking hours every day. Fifteen hours a week out of your personal life – away from your family and your passions. Fuck that. That’s like having another stressful part-time job on top of your primary job.

I’m not saying quit your job in the morning. Of course it isn’t that easy. I’m saying that “job location distance to home” should be a much higher weighted factor that you take very seriously during your next attempt at finding a new job. Most people will automatically chose highest possible salary which can be understandable. But considering the taxman will rape that extra cash, you should also consider the commute costs of both money and time. Ask yourself some serious questions…

  • Can I get a job physically closer to home for a similar or increased wage?
  • Can I get a job physically closer to home for a decreased nett wage but with lower fuel/transport costs?
  • Can  I work in a different direction to other commuters thus avoiding congestion?
  • Can I work remotely from home for all or some of the working week?
  • Can I change profession to remove my need for a commute at all? #ballsy

The gold standard is not working from home. The gold standard is not working – at all. Choosing when you need to travel and having the luxury of avoiding rush hour traffic completely. Always make sure you have a pathway to Financial Independence by building your Fuck You Money.

To all you hardened commuters out there, just remember – Paddy gives a shit. Hang in there.

#fucktraffic #fuckcommuting

#Paddygivesashit

 

Iron your shirt you lazy prick

I learned shit the hard way so you don’t have to and today I want to talk about ironing your shirt.

“What the fuck are you talking about Paddy – ironing your shirt? ”

Look – This is the kind of shit they didn’t teach you in school Remember, you just lobbed your school jumper over that crumpled piece of shit, BO smelling shirt?

I can tell you that I’ve interviewed young people for jobs wearing creased shirts and it just looks awful. I’ve seen

The reality is – maybe nobody has ever shown you how to iron a shirt. Maybe there isn’t even an ironing board where you live. Not all of us were born with a silver spoon up our arses.

Well, let’s get started and get you looking sharp and feeling good about yourself and hopefully…interview ready.

 

So, you’re on the dole and it suck balls. I know – I’ve been on the dole queue in places like Kilbarrack and Aungier Street. It’s not fun.

You want to feel good about yourself, so you need a little bit of purpose and you want a job.
Any job interviews you have to go to – you need to wear a shirt and preferably a tie.

 

Buy a shirt

If you haven’t got one, I’d suggest taking a few bob out of your precious €152.80 and buy some shirts. You don’t need flash right now. That day will come. Presentable is what we’re looking for and cheap.  Aim for a max of 20 quid for a shirt. If you are starting out and not sure what to get – just start with a plain white shirt.

  • Don’t fuck around with trending collar styles. They come and go fast, and you’ll look like a knob. Trust me.
  • Stick with standard pointed collar.
  • Don’t get double cuff shirts – they are the ones for cuff links. Worry about that after your first pay packet.

Tip: Ask staff – don’t be shy – be nice and polite, even if they are assholes.

If you don’t know what size collar you are ask the staff would they have a measuring tape. You need to get your neck measured spot on – you don’t want to be choking and it’ll look stupid if its too loose.

This will look good with open collar or great if you have to wear a tie.

stoicpaddyshirt

 

Fitting and size

There are relatively standard shapes/styles  of shirts in various stores like Marks & Spenders, Burton, Next

Tailored, fitted, regular and slim are the kind of common terms.

If you’re fat or normal, you’re looking for Regular shirt – that’ll give you the space you need to breathe around the mid-section – also – lay of the carbs but we can get into that on another day.

If you’re one of those super skinny lads aim for the slim fit.

If you’re in good nick, with a decent chest and shoulder to waist ratio go for the fitted/tailored style.

 

Learn how to iron

First of all – you need an iron and an ironing board. I’m not going to make assumptions here so if you don’t have them. You can grab an iron for €8.99 in Argos and a board for €14.99

If that is too much – you must make friends with buy and sell websites like Adverts.ie and Donedeal.ie or whatever similar websites are in your region.

You will grab a board for 3-5 euro – search by your county and try and get somewhere that you can get to by walking/bus to eliminate additional costs.

 

Watch a couple of youtube videos like this dude below

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7DqqQXwX0w

 

WARNINGS

DON’T BURN the goddamned shirt – you’ve just spent precious resources on it – start with the lowest heat setting on the iron and work up slowly until you are happy it is at the right heat –

Test the iron temperature on the inside bottom of the back of the shirt – that way if you do burn it, nobody will see it when its tucked in.

I’ve burned too many shirts over the years and it’ll ruin your fucking day if you let it.

Also – and I mean this – wash the shirt if you’ve worn it. If you don’t wash the shirt, you will get build-up of aerosols/roll on deodorants on the under arm and this kills the life of a shirt prematurely.

You will feel good in yourself if you can start off with this.

Summary

This might seem like a tiny little step but trust me, if you learn this it will help your confidence and you will feel good about building up another little skill.

You will look smart, clean and presentable. Put a smile on your face.

 

Remember: When nobody else does, Stoic Paddy gives a shit.

 

This is part of the sort your shit out career series – Dole to Director

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